LOVE BITES: THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
Maybe it was timing, or perhaps just fate that took them away. No matter the circumstances, it’s always there as a constant reminder in the back of the mind: Did we miss our chance? In this edition, individuals share the intimate details of the one that got away.
Your lips have become a memory
We said goodbye on the corner of the park.
I didn’t know that would be
The last time I saw your face.
Since then, I’ve had lots of first kisses.
Since you, I’ve had lots of lasts.
I can do more than kiss
Now
I can give you more, and
Sometimes I wish so badly that time machines were real,
That I actually start to believe they are.
Then I remember the world is against me:
I cannot go back in time.
“And even if I could,” I wonder,
“Would it ever be the same?”
It haunts me to realize
Your lips have become a memory.
-Emma Rosenkranz
If only
There was this guy that I was having pseudo-regular sex with. Looking back, we had a few dates, I guess, but at the time, I thought it was just sex. A month or two in, he came to an art show that I was in. I was taken aback that he came, and he asked so many questions.
That piece was personal. How dare he try to care for me.
It freaked me out — so I fizzled us out before things got serious. If only I hadn’t been so afraid.
-Anonymous
Restlessness
I don’t remember inviting her in, but I did make sure I was chewing gum. She pulled me in by the jacket she lent me. She pulled me in with her confidence I clung to. Nights spent awake hours and hours past my bedtime followed.
She wrapped me in warmth as we’d lie in bed, only once asking me to spend the night. I left after a few restless hours -- her pants off, my jeans on. Sweet drawings, kind hugs, and familiarity followed. She’d ignore me one weekend and indulge me the next. My brain massaged the evidence.
Through the grapevine I learned of her restlessness. In what? All I knew was what she initiated, what she wanted. On the verge of a conversation, I told myself to wait — don’t scare her off. I let myself be wrapped in the cotton world of Tinder instead of her thin arms.
-Annie
Will they?
I’m not very comfortable around people. Every movement is controlled, every smile feels planned, every comment feels monitored. I’m constantly aware.
But there’s this one boy. I don’t really have the words for how I feel around him.
For two years, there was this “will they/won’t they'' tension. Then I planned to transfer. Won’t they? Maybe one semester would still be worth it. Will they? The next day, I realized I was too sick to finish.. Won’t they? Two years after that, weekly video calls lasting hours. A handwritten letter in the mail.
There aren’t words to describe how I feel, but I don’t control a single movement around him. I call him when the ADHD hits so hard that words won’t string together and I become incomprehensible to almost everyone. He doesn’t even notice.
It’s bittersweet. There is this person that, with every year, I only feel closer to. Someone I could talk to for hours without ever wanting to leave. A person I know I will always be friends with.
But, fuck.
-Anonymous
What could have been
When I think of you, I think of road trips, play fights over who has the aux and frequent gas station stops for snacks. You had my snack order memorized; I was spoiled with skittles. I think of Daniel Caesar playing softly on the radio and arguing over who is paying for Chick-fil-a. You always won, of course. You were so persistent, probably due to your innate caring nature.
I remember how desperately you wanted to care for me and how desperately I wanted you to care for me. But I was too scared. Perhaps I still am.
When I think of you, I imagine what could have been… picnics at sunset and long walks on the beach. I dream of home cooked meals over candlelight and your lips dancing on mine once more. More than anything, when I think of you, I wonder if you are thinking of me, too.
-Anonymous
EDITOR: Liz Kaplan is a junior at Brown. You can find her taking her cat on walks or somewhere surrounded by plants!!
ARTIST: Elise Carman